Shulk x My German Friend Neko
by plasterbrain
Summary: I did a Shulk x You exchange with my German friend Neko! This is he story I wrote, it is very steamy.


There he was, in all his glory: Leo [REDACTED], the latest Smash character from this one indie German game for the DSi (and only the DSi) that I haven't played but I'm sure is really good. Everyone had come to the auditorium of the Smash Bros. Mansion to watch the grand unveiling of this latest character, and the audience chattered in excitement.

"Never heard of him," said a voice.

"Yeah, me neither," said another.

"Yoshi!" chimed in a third (Captain Falcon).

Shulk was very late. Shulk was prototyping a new alarm clock which would wake him based on biofeedback but it was made out of tin scraps and a lemon. Times were trying in Colony 9, so Shulk knew how to assemble contraptions on the fly, or rather thought he knew how to assemble contraptions on the fly, as the case may be.

Now Shulk was very upset because he had a good-guy persona to maintain, and punctuality was key. Showing up late would be disrespectful, so off to the assembly he flew, wearing his Xenoblade pajamas, which had Nopons on them (Pajamapons, they were called. Riki had sent them), and with his hair unkempt. He even had a little blonde stubble growing along his jaw bone, and Shulk made a point of being clean-shaven. Mustached Monado Boy was a look he had tried and and would never try again.

"FIOOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he cried, slamming open the doors to the auditorium. Shulk had a few anxiety troubles after the "Mechonis incident," which nobody will ever talk about, and so this is what he said whenever he was very stressed. Shulk didn't have many friends. He was a nice guy, but wow.

Everyone in the theater turned to face him. Shulk was not often late, though when he was an entrance like this was fairly common. Some of them quirked a condescending eyebrow. Shulk's face flushed bright red. He sheepishly made his way through the empty rows of chairs in the back to find a seat. There were many chairs, so you might even say Shulk skulked through the bulk.

The Smashers reluctantly returned their attention to Leo, who resumed his introduction.

"Guten tag," he said in Germanese. "My name is Leo, but you can call me Neko." No explanation was offered for why this was the case. "Yoroshiku onegai shimasu! (´･ω･｀)" Then Neko sat down. He had said his name, along with some other stuff. All in all, this was a very memorable introduction.

Everyone went to the free luncheon afterwards to celebrate the new arrival. There were also some new Final Fantasy Mii outfits arriving, but nobody liked to talk about Miis. Miis were ugly.

Neko had yet to make any friends, so after he grabbed his single piece of carpaccio, he sat down at the very first table, where Shulk was sulking and Jigglypuff enjoyed a shish kabob consisting of three grapes.

"Oh, hey," said Shulk, looking up. "Sorry about interrupting your big performance there. I uh... I get stressed out sometimes."

"Jigglypuff, jiggly jiggly puff. Puff puff jiggler, jig jiggly jig. Jiggly puff puffity puffjig, puff puffjigger mcpuffjig - puff puffle puff PUFF! Jigglypuff pufflyjigg, jiggery piggly juff; jiggly jiggly piggly jiggly puff jigglypuffpuff," Jigglypuff admonished.

"You have a point there," said Shulk.

"No problem," Neko replied, not understanding Jigglypuff at all. He thoughtfully nibbled at his carpaccio and studied the Monado Boy, then swallowed. "Ok, so, I have to ask. Do you do a little pose and shout out the names of the Monado Arts in your game too? Or is that just in Smash?"

"Oh." Shulk grinned with a pink tint in his cheeks. "Yes, I do."

"Wow, cool."

They stared at each other. Shulk sweated nervously. The atmosphere was so thick you could cut it with a shish kabob.

"Puff!" said Jigglypuff, swatting at the air with her tiny pointy stick with grapes on it.

Shulk studied this new Leo character, the way his gentle features changed as he confusedly and awkwardly stared at his carpaccio, and how his hair, so dark nobody would ever know it was secretly just brown, framed his face with a subtle curl. He pictured the two of them sparring, Shulk adeptly brandishing his Monado Arts, and Leo doing whatever, also adeptly. Two men, sweating it out, nothing gay at all about it. _Oh no,_ thought Shulk. _What if I'm gay? Ok Shulk, don't think about his body. Don't think about his body. Think about something else! Something not gay! Money! Uh, uh, linoleum! Dicks! Oh no!_

"FIOOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Shulk in distress. Just another goddamn Tuesday, thought everyone. The only thing worse than Shulk's random episodes was the one time Kirby inhaled him and inherited his anxiety disorder and the two set each other off for hours.

"Are... Are you alright?" asked Leo. Shulk cupped his hands on his face.

"Yeah... Sorry. I'm fine," he said. "I'm just really tired." Shulk looked at him earnestly. "I'm really, really sorry about ruining your big day twice now. I think I'll go... take a walk. Get some fresh air."

"Mind if I come with?" said Leo, mostly looking for an excuse to ditch this luncheon.

Shulk blushed. "Yes... I mean, no! I- whichever one means you can come with! Sorry..."

They left the banquet hall and made their way outside to the park. This was a scenic gravel road which circled a bright blue pond with a few stone sculptures along the route, and it was where All Star events were held. Their shoes made crunching sounds on the pebbles as they walked along the pathway.

Shulk looked up at the sky and took a deep breath, then let it out.

"Nice day out," he said.

"Yes," agreed Leo, and then he authentically added a German phrase that German people say in Germany when it is a nice day outside.

"Wow, I didn't know German people said that," Shulk whistled.

"Well, only at parties."

"I don't actually know where or what Germany is. I'm from, uh, Bionis."

Leo explained to him that Germany was a part of America. As he talked, they reached a park bench where the two decided to sit down. Neko leaned forward on his thighs and Shulk stole a sidelong glance at him.

"So, you have a girlfriend in ah, Germany?"

"No," said Neko, indicating that he mostly just liked to play Splatoon.

"In German?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Yeah, me too. N-Not in German, though. Just, uh, you know, Splatoon. I play it." Shulk inched his hand towards the German stallion's, strumming his fingers along the wooden plank of the bench, focusing his eyes off in the distance. He cleared his throat.

Neko leaned back on the bench with his hands at his sides. "Sometimes back at home I like to take a bus to the park and feed the birds," he said kindly.

Shulk smiled. "Back in my home, I would go out looking for interesting scraps from these uh, these robot crash sites. With my best friend Reyn." He sighed and tried not to be gay. "Reyn's a really nice guy. Bit of an idiot sometimes, but his heart's in the right place. I really like the guy."

They sat in silence. Somewhere in the distance came the sound of tittering birds, like the kind that infiltrate a large bush together and are like, "we're all up in this bush, bitches." One such bird landed on the bath at their feet and hopped around.

"Do you ever think-" Shulk stopped short, then carefully formed his words. "Do you ever think you're not gay but then you're suddenly gay?"

"No," said Leo.

"Oh."

"Well I-... I um..." he was blushing madly. "Ok..."

"I think I get what you mean though. But I'm usually pretty straight."

"Do you think you could be, eh, uh, sometimes gay?" He stared at the ground.

"I mean I guess, why not."

Shulk stammered quietly and moved his hand on top of Leo's, lacing their fingers together. The Monado Boy wouldn't meet his eyes.

"I'd... I think I'd like to be in a relationship with you, Leo."

"Oh."

"If... If that's alright."

"Oh."

"I t-think I'm gay. For you. I'm gay for you. You made me gay."

"Ok."

Shulk leaned over hopefully and kissed him on the cheek.


End file.
